Seven-tenths of the earth is covered with water. That may， at first， sound like a huge amount of water. But do you know only 2.53% of it is fresh water？ Furthermore， most of the fresh water is at the North Pole and South Pole. This means only a limited amount of water is available to human beings. A man can live without food for six or seven days， but he can live no longer than three days without water. Because water is such an important resource for our existence， we must learn to save and protect the water that we have. Though water is very important in our lives， [However，] （1） many people still waste water. They use much more water than they need， and so do some factories， which waste thousands of gallons （加侖） of water every day.
Today [Moreover]（2 ） we are faced with another grave （嚴(yán)重的）situation， which will speed up the shortage of water. With the development of industries， much water has been polluted. Some factories pour unprocessed （未處理過的） dirty water into rivers or lakes. As a result， those rivers and lakes are so polluted that the water in them can no longer be drunk or used. Having become a big problem， water pollution has attracted many people's notice. From the example of Shanghai [Take Shanghai for example ]， （3 ） we can see how important ， yet difficult， it is for us to protect water.
As one of the industrial centres of China， Shanghai is short of water even though it locates [is located] （4） at the mouth of the Yangtze River， an area with abundant water resources. Each year， factories， hotels and farms in or around Shanghai discharge （排放） a huge amount of sewage （污水） into the rivers that run through the city. So its water quality is deteriorating （惡化） . The water in some of the rivers is no longer fit for drinking， and it contains so many poisonous elements （有毒物質(zhì)） that it isn't even used to water the crops. The Government of Shanghai had to move the water intake to the upper reach [reaches ]（5）of the Huangpu River in 1970's because the water in [the middle and lower reaches of ] （ 6 ） the Huangpu River can't be used as a source of drinking water any more. In 1980's， the water quality being even worse， the government carried out the second step of the project. They began to take in water directly from the Yangtze as a supplementary （補(bǔ)充的） water source.
The situation with the Suzhou River [which runs across Shanghai] （7） is much more serious. The water in it has a foul （惡臭的）smell throughout the year. A project was carried out inearly 1990s to collect the sewage poured into the River and send it to Pudong through the underground pipes so that it is discharged into the East Ocean. Now the second step of the project is being done. When the project is completed， the sewage produced in Shanghai every day will be processed before being poured out. The Huangpu River and the Suzhou River will become clean in thefuture.
Since water is so precious to us， we must economize our water resources and try to protect them. First we should save asmuch water as we can. Second we should not pollute lakes and rivers.
Let's do our best to help the government clear up the Huangpu River， the Suzhou River and many other rivers. Let's save and protect all the water in the world. Remember that protecting water means protecting ourselves.
上海師大二附中 張彥
評 語
保護(hù)自然，保護(hù)人類的生態(tài)環(huán)境已被作為我國的一項(xiàng)重要國策。張彥同學(xué)的文章用數(shù)據(jù)，用實(shí)例證明了保護(hù)水資源的重要性，反映出了現(xiàn)代學(xué)生對這一問題的關(guān)注。文中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）原文讀起來有重復(fù)贅述之感，故改之。
（2）原文用today給人以與上文脫離的感覺，用moreover使上下文有一種呼應(yīng)。
（3）“以……為例”，一般說 take…for example.
（4） be located in/at位于……，不用主動語態(tài)。
（5）、（6）表示上中下游，reach一般用復(fù)數(shù)為多。既然upper reaches還是黃浦江，那么下文加上 middle and lower reaches較合乎邏輯。
（7）對 Suzhou River（蘇州河），人們未必都很了解，加上定語從句說明一下為好。
Today [Moreover]（2 ） we are faced with another grave （嚴(yán)重的）situation， which will speed up the shortage of water. With the development of industries， much water has been polluted. Some factories pour unprocessed （未處理過的） dirty water into rivers or lakes. As a result， those rivers and lakes are so polluted that the water in them can no longer be drunk or used. Having become a big problem， water pollution has attracted many people's notice. From the example of Shanghai [Take Shanghai for example ]， （3 ） we can see how important ， yet difficult， it is for us to protect water.
As one of the industrial centres of China， Shanghai is short of water even though it locates [is located] （4） at the mouth of the Yangtze River， an area with abundant water resources. Each year， factories， hotels and farms in or around Shanghai discharge （排放） a huge amount of sewage （污水） into the rivers that run through the city. So its water quality is deteriorating （惡化） . The water in some of the rivers is no longer fit for drinking， and it contains so many poisonous elements （有毒物質(zhì)） that it isn't even used to water the crops. The Government of Shanghai had to move the water intake to the upper reach [reaches ]（5）of the Huangpu River in 1970's because the water in [the middle and lower reaches of ] （ 6 ） the Huangpu River can't be used as a source of drinking water any more. In 1980's， the water quality being even worse， the government carried out the second step of the project. They began to take in water directly from the Yangtze as a supplementary （補(bǔ)充的） water source.
The situation with the Suzhou River [which runs across Shanghai] （7） is much more serious. The water in it has a foul （惡臭的）smell throughout the year. A project was carried out inearly 1990s to collect the sewage poured into the River and send it to Pudong through the underground pipes so that it is discharged into the East Ocean. Now the second step of the project is being done. When the project is completed， the sewage produced in Shanghai every day will be processed before being poured out. The Huangpu River and the Suzhou River will become clean in thefuture.
Since water is so precious to us， we must economize our water resources and try to protect them. First we should save asmuch water as we can. Second we should not pollute lakes and rivers.
Let's do our best to help the government clear up the Huangpu River， the Suzhou River and many other rivers. Let's save and protect all the water in the world. Remember that protecting water means protecting ourselves.
上海師大二附中 張彥
評 語
保護(hù)自然，保護(hù)人類的生態(tài)環(huán)境已被作為我國的一項(xiàng)重要國策。張彥同學(xué)的文章用數(shù)據(jù)，用實(shí)例證明了保護(hù)水資源的重要性，反映出了現(xiàn)代學(xué)生對這一問題的關(guān)注。文中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）原文讀起來有重復(fù)贅述之感，故改之。
（2）原文用today給人以與上文脫離的感覺，用moreover使上下文有一種呼應(yīng)。
（3）“以……為例”，一般說 take…for example.
（4） be located in/at位于……，不用主動語態(tài)。
（5）、（6）表示上中下游，reach一般用復(fù)數(shù)為多。既然upper reaches還是黃浦江，那么下文加上 middle and lower reaches較合乎邏輯。
（7）對 Suzhou River（蘇州河），人們未必都很了解，加上定語從句說明一下為好。