I had not gone back home for a long time. I didn't want to go back， for [because] （1） the house which my family lived in was so old that it was at the same age as my elder brother's （2） and so shabby （破舊） that once it rained there seemed to be no place to put a bed in. But now， when I returned home finally， I found in great surprise that it had been put down [our old house had been pulled down] （3） and a new building was being put up.
My father told me with great excitement that our house would be as large as 96 square meters.
Hearing this， I was even [more] （4） pleased， because I knew this did not come with ease. How could I forget how hard a life [what a hard life] （5） our family used to live some years before？
In those days， three children of our family were all at school. But all the income was only my father's small salary by working at a small village mill. He always tried his best to save every cent for us to go to school. My parents had to work hard day and night. But three children's school expenses were greater than his little income. Hard as the life was， my parents never let us lose any chance to study.
My father had stomach trouble. But， in my memory， he seldom went to hospital but bore the pain by himself. Only my mother knew how painful he was.
Now thanks to the correct policy of our Party and the wise leadership of the government， we've found many new ways to get rich and live a better life. All those hard days are gone and will never come back again， [I think.] （6） How happy I am！ How happy all my family are！ Perhaps only those who have experienced the hardest life know best about the sweetest life. I can hardly describe my excitement because no word can do that.
江西省樂平中學(xué)高三（8）班 蔡如海
評 語
文章反映了一個農(nóng)村學(xué)生家庭生活在黨的正確政策指引下發(fā)生的可喜變化，也描述了學(xué)生本人的真實(shí)心態(tài)。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）for表示補(bǔ)充說明的理由，在這里顯得缺乏力度，故改之。
（2）這句話不夠簡練，另外，elder brother的年齡也沒點(diǎn)明有多大，表達(dá)力不強(qiáng)，刪去。
（3）原文it指代關(guān)系不清。put down用得也不妥。
（4）這里even應(yīng)該加比較級才表示“更……”。
（5）句首已有how，后面很快又有how，從修辭學(xué)角度出發(fā)，不如改成what結(jié)構(gòu)。
（6）加上I think使語氣委婉一些。
My father told me with great excitement that our house would be as large as 96 square meters.
Hearing this， I was even [more] （4） pleased， because I knew this did not come with ease. How could I forget how hard a life [what a hard life] （5） our family used to live some years before？
In those days， three children of our family were all at school. But all the income was only my father's small salary by working at a small village mill. He always tried his best to save every cent for us to go to school. My parents had to work hard day and night. But three children's school expenses were greater than his little income. Hard as the life was， my parents never let us lose any chance to study.
My father had stomach trouble. But， in my memory， he seldom went to hospital but bore the pain by himself. Only my mother knew how painful he was.
Now thanks to the correct policy of our Party and the wise leadership of the government， we've found many new ways to get rich and live a better life. All those hard days are gone and will never come back again， [I think.] （6） How happy I am！ How happy all my family are！ Perhaps only those who have experienced the hardest life know best about the sweetest life. I can hardly describe my excitement because no word can do that.
江西省樂平中學(xué)高三（8）班 蔡如海
評 語
文章反映了一個農(nóng)村學(xué)生家庭生活在黨的正確政策指引下發(fā)生的可喜變化，也描述了學(xué)生本人的真實(shí)心態(tài)。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）for表示補(bǔ)充說明的理由，在這里顯得缺乏力度，故改之。
（2）這句話不夠簡練，另外，elder brother的年齡也沒點(diǎn)明有多大，表達(dá)力不強(qiáng)，刪去。
（3）原文it指代關(guān)系不清。put down用得也不妥。
（4）這里even應(yīng)該加比較級才表示“更……”。
（5）句首已有how，后面很快又有how，從修辭學(xué)角度出發(fā)，不如改成what結(jié)構(gòu)。
（6）加上I think使語氣委婉一些。