I have two foreign cousins， both of whom live with my aunt far far away in Britain. I had never seen them before one of them came to my home last March.
It was a sunny day. I went home happily. When I opened the door， I was so surprised to see a foreign little [little foreign] （1） boy of about two standing in front of me. And as he saw me， his big blue eyes opened widely.
“Oh， who are you？”I said in English. Soon I knew that he was one of my cousins， Timmy. I introduced myself with simple words. Timmy smiled and nodded to me. Soon we were [got] （2） familiar with each other.
Timmy was a handsome by. He had grey hair. He was only three years old. And so he spoke baby English.
Timmy liked watching TV. Sometimes I joined him. Most of the cartoons we saw were“Snow White”and“Peter Pan”。 He liked them very much. So did I. He always asked me to tell him some stories， such as“Snow White”。 I thought it must be the story he liked best. I told him the story over and over again. But each time I began like this，“Once upon a time…”， Timmy would look at me with great care.
Sometimes Timmy was a naughty boy. For example， at supper time or dinner time， he always made the rice fall to the ground and played with spoons or forks. At that moment， his mother would warn him not to do so. Timmy liked to eat ice cream. So when he was unwilling to eat rice， we would tell him that he must finish rice first， or he wouldn't get any more ice cream. Then we would see him eating rice rapidly. What a lovely baby！
When it was time for bed， the thing that I must do was to kiss Timmy good-night. Once， I forgot to say“good night”to him. As I went to bed， I saw him come in.“Good night， Jiajia，”he said.“We forgot to say'good night’， didn't we？”“Oh， good night， Timmy. See you tomorrow.”He kissed me and then went out. At that time， I realized how he loved me andwhat good manners he had！
On March 29th， Timmy would go to Britain， where his home is. At the airport， I couldn't keep back my tears and cried. As I watched the plane flying higher and higher above the city， how sad I was！
“Cheer up， Jiajia，”my father said to me.“In a few years， Timmy will come to Shanghai again. And at that time， you'll see a clever young man.”
上海市向明中學(xué)初二 馬怡佳
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章對(duì)Timmy的外貌、愛(ài)好、舉止等方面作了生動(dòng)的描述，同時(shí)突出了Timmy天真、調(diào)皮、愛(ài)學(xué)習(xí)、懂禮貌等特點(diǎn)。初二學(xué)生能寫(xiě)出這樣語(yǔ)句通順，語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用較為熟練的作文，實(shí)屬不易，文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）根據(jù)形容詞在名詞前的次序，一般表示年齡大小的形容詞應(yīng)在表示國(guó)籍的形容詞前，如a little Chinese girl.
（2）改為got，動(dòng)態(tài)更強(qiáng)一些。
It was a sunny day. I went home happily. When I opened the door， I was so surprised to see a foreign little [little foreign] （1） boy of about two standing in front of me. And as he saw me， his big blue eyes opened widely.
“Oh， who are you？”I said in English. Soon I knew that he was one of my cousins， Timmy. I introduced myself with simple words. Timmy smiled and nodded to me. Soon we were [got] （2） familiar with each other.
Timmy was a handsome by. He had grey hair. He was only three years old. And so he spoke baby English.
Timmy liked watching TV. Sometimes I joined him. Most of the cartoons we saw were“Snow White”and“Peter Pan”。 He liked them very much. So did I. He always asked me to tell him some stories， such as“Snow White”。 I thought it must be the story he liked best. I told him the story over and over again. But each time I began like this，“Once upon a time…”， Timmy would look at me with great care.
Sometimes Timmy was a naughty boy. For example， at supper time or dinner time， he always made the rice fall to the ground and played with spoons or forks. At that moment， his mother would warn him not to do so. Timmy liked to eat ice cream. So when he was unwilling to eat rice， we would tell him that he must finish rice first， or he wouldn't get any more ice cream. Then we would see him eating rice rapidly. What a lovely baby！
When it was time for bed， the thing that I must do was to kiss Timmy good-night. Once， I forgot to say“good night”to him. As I went to bed， I saw him come in.“Good night， Jiajia，”he said.“We forgot to say'good night’， didn't we？”“Oh， good night， Timmy. See you tomorrow.”He kissed me and then went out. At that time， I realized how he loved me andwhat good manners he had！
On March 29th， Timmy would go to Britain， where his home is. At the airport， I couldn't keep back my tears and cried. As I watched the plane flying higher and higher above the city， how sad I was！
“Cheer up， Jiajia，”my father said to me.“In a few years， Timmy will come to Shanghai again. And at that time， you'll see a clever young man.”
上海市向明中學(xué)初二 馬怡佳
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章對(duì)Timmy的外貌、愛(ài)好、舉止等方面作了生動(dòng)的描述，同時(shí)突出了Timmy天真、調(diào)皮、愛(ài)學(xué)習(xí)、懂禮貌等特點(diǎn)。初二學(xué)生能寫(xiě)出這樣語(yǔ)句通順，語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用較為熟練的作文，實(shí)屬不易，文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）根據(jù)形容詞在名詞前的次序，一般表示年齡大小的形容詞應(yīng)在表示國(guó)籍的形容詞前，如a little Chinese girl.
（2）改為got，動(dòng)態(tài)更強(qiáng)一些。