In the novel The Adventure of Tom Sawyer， the hero always calls his exploring or camping outside the town an“adventure”。 Now I'd like to tell you an“adventure”， virtually（實(shí)際上地）a terrific experience， which I had in March.
We have a small flat separate（分離的）from the place we are living. A gas water-heater（煤氣熱水器）was installed in the bathroom of that flat about ten years ago. We used to[will]（1）have a shower there if it is not very cold. It was Saturday last time[last Saturday]（2）；Dad took me there. When I began to have a bath， he went away to buy something. After a while， I felt a bit dizzy（頭暈）?！癐t doesn't matter. I must have washed my hair for too long，”I thought. So I rinsed out the shampoo （漂去洗頭膏）at once. However， I didn't feel better at all. Then I opened the bathroom window wider. It's[It was]（3）better then. So I go[went]（4）on showering. But I got so weak that I fell on the side of the bathtub（浴缸）。 My heart was beating horribly fast. I tried my best to get out of the bathroom.
A few minutes later， I found myself lying on the icy floor， body bare. I struggled up without my knowing it. I could not believe that I had fallen down. But the wet body-shaped print on the floor proved that I did [had]（5）！ Since the flat hasn't [hadn't]（6）been cleaned for months， my skin was covered with dirt. I went back into the bathroom to wash it off.
Soon I went out and I fell down again. I was too dizzy to realize that there was a gas leak（煤氣泄漏）！ Some time later， Dad came back. I was then in the bathroom. I didn't know when I had got back there. Dad asked me to come out at once. However， I just couldn't move but kept breathing deeply.
It took me a long time to get dressed， of course， outside the bathroom. I didn't feel well until my parents took me to the hospital. I couldn't tell whether I had fainted away. According to the blood test report， CO was 16.1% in my red cell. It's[It was]（7）not very serious， but I had to take the high-pressure oxygen therapy（高壓氧治療）， as the norma1 CO standard is only 0%～2%.
In the oxygen cabin（氧氣艙）， I noticed that， almost every day， new patients who were suffering from gas poisoning might be took[were sent]（8）in.“What a close call（僥幸脫險(xiǎn)）！”Most of the people around would say. Once， I suddenly had a sickening feeling： the gas was really a killer. I want to tell you， my friends， that we must be very careful with gas. Properly used， it is a great help. If something goes wrong without being noticed， it's a matter of life and death.
上海市南模中學(xué) 席習(xí)
評(píng) 語
文章圍繞記敘文的五個(gè)W要素完整地記敘了自己險(xiǎn)些煤氣中毒釀成大禍的經(jīng)過，重點(diǎn)描述了自己煤氣中毒后的反應(yīng)，由于是親身經(jīng)歷，因此文字很生動(dòng)。語言運(yùn)用也不錯(cuò)，有些詞語的使用反映出作者有相當(dāng)?shù)挠⒄Z基礎(chǔ)，如：install， rinse out， therapy， a close call（僥幸脫險(xiǎn)）等。但作者在時(shí)態(tài)把握上存在一定問題，文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）used to表示現(xiàn)在已不存在的過去習(xí)慣，但根據(jù)上下文似乎事實(shí)并非如此，故改之。
（2）原文對(duì)“上星期”表達(dá)錯(cuò)誤。
（3）、（4）、（5）、（6）、（7）時(shí)態(tài)有誤。
（8）原文動(dòng)詞take使用不當(dāng)。
We have a small flat separate（分離的）from the place we are living. A gas water-heater（煤氣熱水器）was installed in the bathroom of that flat about ten years ago. We used to[will]（1）have a shower there if it is not very cold. It was Saturday last time[last Saturday]（2）；Dad took me there. When I began to have a bath， he went away to buy something. After a while， I felt a bit dizzy（頭暈）?！癐t doesn't matter. I must have washed my hair for too long，”I thought. So I rinsed out the shampoo （漂去洗頭膏）at once. However， I didn't feel better at all. Then I opened the bathroom window wider. It's[It was]（3）better then. So I go[went]（4）on showering. But I got so weak that I fell on the side of the bathtub（浴缸）。 My heart was beating horribly fast. I tried my best to get out of the bathroom.
A few minutes later， I found myself lying on the icy floor， body bare. I struggled up without my knowing it. I could not believe that I had fallen down. But the wet body-shaped print on the floor proved that I did [had]（5）！ Since the flat hasn't [hadn't]（6）been cleaned for months， my skin was covered with dirt. I went back into the bathroom to wash it off.
Soon I went out and I fell down again. I was too dizzy to realize that there was a gas leak（煤氣泄漏）！ Some time later， Dad came back. I was then in the bathroom. I didn't know when I had got back there. Dad asked me to come out at once. However， I just couldn't move but kept breathing deeply.
It took me a long time to get dressed， of course， outside the bathroom. I didn't feel well until my parents took me to the hospital. I couldn't tell whether I had fainted away. According to the blood test report， CO was 16.1% in my red cell. It's[It was]（7）not very serious， but I had to take the high-pressure oxygen therapy（高壓氧治療）， as the norma1 CO standard is only 0%～2%.
In the oxygen cabin（氧氣艙）， I noticed that， almost every day， new patients who were suffering from gas poisoning might be took[were sent]（8）in.“What a close call（僥幸脫險(xiǎn)）！”Most of the people around would say. Once， I suddenly had a sickening feeling： the gas was really a killer. I want to tell you， my friends， that we must be very careful with gas. Properly used， it is a great help. If something goes wrong without being noticed， it's a matter of life and death.
上海市南模中學(xué) 席習(xí)
評(píng) 語
文章圍繞記敘文的五個(gè)W要素完整地記敘了自己險(xiǎn)些煤氣中毒釀成大禍的經(jīng)過，重點(diǎn)描述了自己煤氣中毒后的反應(yīng)，由于是親身經(jīng)歷，因此文字很生動(dòng)。語言運(yùn)用也不錯(cuò)，有些詞語的使用反映出作者有相當(dāng)?shù)挠⒄Z基礎(chǔ)，如：install， rinse out， therapy， a close call（僥幸脫險(xiǎn)）等。但作者在時(shí)態(tài)把握上存在一定問題，文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）used to表示現(xiàn)在已不存在的過去習(xí)慣，但根據(jù)上下文似乎事實(shí)并非如此，故改之。
（2）原文對(duì)“上星期”表達(dá)錯(cuò)誤。
（3）、（4）、（5）、（6）、（7）時(shí)態(tài)有誤。
（8）原文動(dòng)詞take使用不當(dāng)。