After making up my mind， I spent 60 yuan on a pair of sports shoes. Meanwhile ， it seemed to me that I was working and earned 60 yuan by a month's hard work . [The money was what I had earned through a month's hard work. ] （1）
Last summer， on the eve of the Ⅺ Asian Games， I decided to buy a pair of sports shoes to make me modern-looking [make myself look smart in] （2）。 Hearing my requisition [knowing what I wanted] ， （3） my parents said： “Earn it by yourself and you'll find it will be a helpful experience in your whole life. ” With the help of my friends， I found a job in a shoe factory. How excited I was！ On the first day of my work I got to the factory early. The master worker told me the rules of the factory， such as get to [getting to] （4） the factory on time， 1 must obey and I should not lazy ， work must care fully and try my best . [obeying the regulations （條例）， not being lazy and doing my best. ] （5）
My job was to press size marks on the shoes. It was simple and dull. The long hours uninteresting work always made me feel tired [Doing dull work long hours tired me ] （ 6 ） when I finished my job every evening.
As usual， [Usually] （ 7 ） I felt summer holidays passing very fast， but the days spent in working seemed very long. During the work， I looked [glanced at] （8） my watch frequently and wished it would run more quickly. At last， a month passed and I was paid 60 yuan .
I'll never forget the unusual experience because it has enabled me to understand more about the famous saying ， “Business makes a man as well as tries （考驗） him.” It has also enabled me to see where lies the source of happiness.
上海市天山中學 王立峰
評 語
全文簡潔生動、記述詳略得當，語言運用得也較好。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1） 原句含義不清，故改之。
（2）modern-looking 用得別扭；介詞in表示“穿著”，完整句式為：…look smart in the shoes.
（3）requisition 是個很正式的詞，在這里用得不恰當。
（4）such as 后面的動詞不能用原形，可用動名詞形式。
（5）原句內(nèi)容都是 such as后并列的 rules，因此都要改成動名詞形式，以求統(tǒng)一。
（6）原句笨重，改后的句子既規(guī)范又簡潔。
（7）as usual 意為“像往常一樣”，這里不符合上下文。
（8）look是不及物動詞，作者可能疏忽了。用 glance at更好。
Last summer， on the eve of the Ⅺ Asian Games， I decided to buy a pair of sports shoes to make me modern-looking [make myself look smart in] （2）。 Hearing my requisition [knowing what I wanted] ， （3） my parents said： “Earn it by yourself and you'll find it will be a helpful experience in your whole life. ” With the help of my friends， I found a job in a shoe factory. How excited I was！ On the first day of my work I got to the factory early. The master worker told me the rules of the factory， such as get to [getting to] （4） the factory on time， 1 must obey and I should not lazy ， work must care fully and try my best . [obeying the regulations （條例）， not being lazy and doing my best. ] （5）
My job was to press size marks on the shoes. It was simple and dull. The long hours uninteresting work always made me feel tired [Doing dull work long hours tired me ] （ 6 ） when I finished my job every evening.
As usual， [Usually] （ 7 ） I felt summer holidays passing very fast， but the days spent in working seemed very long. During the work， I looked [glanced at] （8） my watch frequently and wished it would run more quickly. At last， a month passed and I was paid 60 yuan .
I'll never forget the unusual experience because it has enabled me to understand more about the famous saying ， “Business makes a man as well as tries （考驗） him.” It has also enabled me to see where lies the source of happiness.
上海市天山中學 王立峰
評 語
全文簡潔生動、記述詳略得當，語言運用得也較好。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1） 原句含義不清，故改之。
（2）modern-looking 用得別扭；介詞in表示“穿著”，完整句式為：…look smart in the shoes.
（3）requisition 是個很正式的詞，在這里用得不恰當。
（4）such as 后面的動詞不能用原形，可用動名詞形式。
（5）原句內(nèi)容都是 such as后并列的 rules，因此都要改成動名詞形式，以求統(tǒng)一。
（6）原句笨重，改后的句子既規(guī)范又簡潔。
（7）as usual 意為“像往常一樣”，這里不符合上下文。
（8）look是不及物動詞，作者可能疏忽了。用 glance at更好。