A few years ago， when I was a pupil， my teacher gave me a chance to go to the Children's Palace to be a shop-assistant serving .for[serving ] （1） the foreign friends from the USA， Britain， Japan and other countries. I thought it was a very good chance for me to practise English. So I accepted it.
The teachers of the Children's Palace asked me to work there in every [every] （2） Tuesday afternoon.
Once， an old American lady with her little granddaughter came to my counter and asked for some handicrafts [handicraftarticles] （3） . It was difficult to talk with the old lady without a translator [an interpreter] （ 4 ） . I used all the English I had studied [I tried to make myself understood with the little English I had learnt in my English lessons ] （ 5 ） . Finally I understood that she wanted to buy her granddaughter a special present. There were some little toy chicks made of woolen cloth [little woollen chicks ] （ 6 ） ， some pencil sharpeners， and souvenir badges. But I did not think they were special. Suddenly I saw an elegant golden abacus （算盤）。 The abacus is the earliest comcputer [calculator] （7） in the world， and it was invented by the Chinese people. I thought the abacus was a special thing the lady might want. Then I put it on the counter. I poked one of the small golden pearl [balls on the abacus] （8） ， and said，“one，”I poked another， “two，”… At last when I counted up to ten， the little girl cried， “It's interesting！ Granny， I want it. ” The old lady bought the abacus with a smile.
The little girl was very happy. So was I. I did my first， and a special， business in my life.
上海市晉元中學(xué)高二（5）班 崔毅明
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章敘述清楚生動(dòng)，行文流暢自然，構(gòu)思中突出了“究竟為外國(guó)老太太的孫女選什么樣的商品最能表現(xiàn)出中國(guó)的特點(diǎn)”這一中心，因而文章雖短，卻頗有意義。此外，就語(yǔ)言而言，詞語(yǔ)、句子結(jié)構(gòu)運(yùn)用也較老練。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）serve表不“為……服務(wù)”時(shí)，是及物動(dòng)詞，如serve the people，不用介詞。注意不要受漢語(yǔ)影響。
（2）this，that，last，next，every 等詞后接時(shí)間名詞時(shí)，前面一般不再用介詞。如：every day，this afternoon，next week等。
（3）“工藝品”一般說(shuō)成 handicraft articles.
（4）現(xiàn)場(chǎng)口譯者一般用 interpreter，translator 多用做筆譯。
（5）原句有中國(guó)味，故改之。
（6）改成 little woollen chicks要簡(jiǎn)潔多了。 woollen或woolen兩種拼寫都對(duì)。
（7）computer 一般指計(jì)算機(jī)?！坝?jì)算器”用 calculator .
（8）算盤珠不能用 pearl（珍珠）表示，可用 small ball （小球丸狀物）指代。
The teachers of the Children's Palace asked me to work there in every [every] （2） Tuesday afternoon.
Once， an old American lady with her little granddaughter came to my counter and asked for some handicrafts [handicraftarticles] （3） . It was difficult to talk with the old lady without a translator [an interpreter] （ 4 ） . I used all the English I had studied [I tried to make myself understood with the little English I had learnt in my English lessons ] （ 5 ） . Finally I understood that she wanted to buy her granddaughter a special present. There were some little toy chicks made of woolen cloth [little woollen chicks ] （ 6 ） ， some pencil sharpeners， and souvenir badges. But I did not think they were special. Suddenly I saw an elegant golden abacus （算盤）。 The abacus is the earliest comcputer [calculator] （7） in the world， and it was invented by the Chinese people. I thought the abacus was a special thing the lady might want. Then I put it on the counter. I poked one of the small golden pearl [balls on the abacus] （8） ， and said，“one，”I poked another， “two，”… At last when I counted up to ten， the little girl cried， “It's interesting！ Granny， I want it. ” The old lady bought the abacus with a smile.
The little girl was very happy. So was I. I did my first， and a special， business in my life.
上海市晉元中學(xué)高二（5）班 崔毅明
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章敘述清楚生動(dòng)，行文流暢自然，構(gòu)思中突出了“究竟為外國(guó)老太太的孫女選什么樣的商品最能表現(xiàn)出中國(guó)的特點(diǎn)”這一中心，因而文章雖短，卻頗有意義。此外，就語(yǔ)言而言，詞語(yǔ)、句子結(jié)構(gòu)運(yùn)用也較老練。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）serve表不“為……服務(wù)”時(shí)，是及物動(dòng)詞，如serve the people，不用介詞。注意不要受漢語(yǔ)影響。
（2）this，that，last，next，every 等詞后接時(shí)間名詞時(shí)，前面一般不再用介詞。如：every day，this afternoon，next week等。
（3）“工藝品”一般說(shuō)成 handicraft articles.
（4）現(xiàn)場(chǎng)口譯者一般用 interpreter，translator 多用做筆譯。
（5）原句有中國(guó)味，故改之。
（6）改成 little woollen chicks要簡(jiǎn)潔多了。 woollen或woolen兩種拼寫都對(duì)。
（7）computer 一般指計(jì)算機(jī)?！坝?jì)算器”用 calculator .
（8）算盤珠不能用 pearl（珍珠）表示，可用 small ball （小球丸狀物）指代。