It was a fine day. Summer had already come. After breakfast， Father suggested that we go to the Jinhua Hill for a tour [trip]（1）。 What a wonderful idea！ We all agreed joyfully [readily]（2）。
About an hour's ride by bus， we got to the Jinhua Hill. [An hour's bus-ride brought us to the Jinhua Hill] （3）。It was known for Chen Zi'ang（陳子昂）， who was born in Tang Dynasty and was a great poet at that time [ a great poet in Tang Dynasty（朝代）] （4）。 To this day his poems were still read [In the present-day， his poems are still widely read]（5）。After getting off the bus， we entered the entrance [made for the entrance to the hill park] （6）。How fresh the air was！ It was pleasing to get near to nature： trees， grass， flowers——all those lovely things were around us. I heard birds singing in the trees. Were they reading [chirping（鳴唱）]（7）the poet's lines？ Along the path， we began to climb up the hill.
In a few minutes， we came to Chen Zi'ang's Reading Pavilion （亭閣）。 Several hundred years ago， Chen used to read books there. While entering the gate [Entering the pavilion] （8），we saw a portrait of the poet. There were also some other pictures and handwriting [works of calligraphy （書(shū)法）] （9） on the wall， from which you could know something about the poet's life. In order to uphold justice， he lost his life， but he had no regret.
Thinking of the poet， I also thought of myself. As a modern young man， what should I do？ I should be like the poet and try my best to be useful to our society.
四川省三臺(tái)縣三臺(tái)中學(xué) 張 耘
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
寫(xiě)游記，最忌面面俱到，報(bào)“流水賬”。這篇游記在記敘中有面有點(diǎn)，有詳有略，在突出描述 Chen Zi'ang's Reading Pavilion 的同時(shí)，有感而發(fā)，頗為自然。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）tour 一般指到幾個(gè)地方巡回旅游，故改為trip.
（2）漢語(yǔ)的“欣然同意”譯成 to agree readily 比較符合英語(yǔ)習(xí)慣。在面臨兩種（或更多）選擇時(shí)，中國(guó)學(xué)生往往選擇接近漢語(yǔ)的一種表達(dá)方式，而忽略地道的英語(yǔ)表達(dá)方式（盡管兩種都對(duì)）。我們要養(yǎng)成選擇符合英語(yǔ)思維的表達(dá)方式的習(xí)慣，這在很大程度上要依靠我們?nèi)プ杂X(jué)地學(xué)習(xí)和模仿。
（3）參見(jiàn)（2）
（4）原句較散，改后簡(jiǎn)潔。
（5）至今還在讀，故用現(xiàn)在時(shí)為好。
（6）、（8）原句為中國(guó)式英語(yǔ)。漢語(yǔ)可以說(shuō)“進(jìn)門(mén)”，英語(yǔ)要么說(shuō) enter the room 要么說(shuō) go through the door， enter the door成了人鉆入門(mén)板里去了。
（7）改為 chirping更生動(dòng)。
（9）表示“書(shū)法”，要用 calligraphy. handwriting 指“筆跡”或一個(gè)人的書(shū)寫(xiě)手跡。
About an hour's ride by bus， we got to the Jinhua Hill. [An hour's bus-ride brought us to the Jinhua Hill] （3）。It was known for Chen Zi'ang（陳子昂）， who was born in Tang Dynasty and was a great poet at that time [ a great poet in Tang Dynasty（朝代）] （4）。 To this day his poems were still read [In the present-day， his poems are still widely read]（5）。After getting off the bus， we entered the entrance [made for the entrance to the hill park] （6）。How fresh the air was！ It was pleasing to get near to nature： trees， grass， flowers——all those lovely things were around us. I heard birds singing in the trees. Were they reading [chirping（鳴唱）]（7）the poet's lines？ Along the path， we began to climb up the hill.
In a few minutes， we came to Chen Zi'ang's Reading Pavilion （亭閣）。 Several hundred years ago， Chen used to read books there. While entering the gate [Entering the pavilion] （8），we saw a portrait of the poet. There were also some other pictures and handwriting [works of calligraphy （書(shū)法）] （9） on the wall， from which you could know something about the poet's life. In order to uphold justice， he lost his life， but he had no regret.
Thinking of the poet， I also thought of myself. As a modern young man， what should I do？ I should be like the poet and try my best to be useful to our society.
四川省三臺(tái)縣三臺(tái)中學(xué) 張 耘
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
寫(xiě)游記，最忌面面俱到，報(bào)“流水賬”。這篇游記在記敘中有面有點(diǎn)，有詳有略，在突出描述 Chen Zi'ang's Reading Pavilion 的同時(shí)，有感而發(fā)，頗為自然。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）tour 一般指到幾個(gè)地方巡回旅游，故改為trip.
（2）漢語(yǔ)的“欣然同意”譯成 to agree readily 比較符合英語(yǔ)習(xí)慣。在面臨兩種（或更多）選擇時(shí)，中國(guó)學(xué)生往往選擇接近漢語(yǔ)的一種表達(dá)方式，而忽略地道的英語(yǔ)表達(dá)方式（盡管兩種都對(duì)）。我們要養(yǎng)成選擇符合英語(yǔ)思維的表達(dá)方式的習(xí)慣，這在很大程度上要依靠我們?nèi)プ杂X(jué)地學(xué)習(xí)和模仿。
（3）參見(jiàn)（2）
（4）原句較散，改后簡(jiǎn)潔。
（5）至今還在讀，故用現(xiàn)在時(shí)為好。
（6）、（8）原句為中國(guó)式英語(yǔ)。漢語(yǔ)可以說(shuō)“進(jìn)門(mén)”，英語(yǔ)要么說(shuō) enter the room 要么說(shuō) go through the door， enter the door成了人鉆入門(mén)板里去了。
（7）改為 chirping更生動(dòng)。
（9）表示“書(shū)法”，要用 calligraphy. handwriting 指“筆跡”或一個(gè)人的書(shū)寫(xiě)手跡。