Volunteer work is necessary
郭昕碩
河北省衡水市衡水中學(xué)高三3班
There is no doubt that volunteer work in China has been brought into focus throughout the world. We presented so much last year, which indeed gave the world a big surprise. Our spirits, our merits, everything we showed during the grand gathering and the disaster proved that volunteer work is necessary.
As far as I am concerned. The work of helping others without payment can be of great benefit for individuals. Apart from the experience, the progress we make during the process is enough. Time permitting, we can take more responsibility outside the school and gain the pleasure.
Everyone builds our society. With the economical development, we are no longer worry about our essential needs in our life. Therefore, tospare more time and to give others a helping hand can just be the right choice. Only by this means can we get to know each other better and make contributions to our society.
Moreover, it is certain that there are still so many developing countries all over the world. From Ethiopia to DPRK, too many people are in badly demand of help. Our gerosity and warth means a lot. Furthermore, organization of all kinds about volunteer work will surely accelerate the process.
Taking the above-mentioned factors into consideration. Raising our owareness and be helpful can definitely be so necessary. The connection between us must be permanent with our efforts of volunteer work. Therefore volunteer work is not only a political world, but a lively work related to you and me. So it stands to reason that volunteer work is necessary.
專(zhuān)家建議：
建議作者多閱讀整篇的英語(yǔ)文章，增強(qiáng)自己的“篇章感“，因?yàn)樵谠撈恼轮写嬖诘膯?wèn)題主要是段落見(jiàn)缺乏緊密聯(lián)系，所以造成各段之間的孤立感的形成，建議作者以后寫(xiě)作時(shí)注意段落間的合理過(guò)渡。
專(zhuān)家點(diǎn)評(píng)：
整體結(jié)構(gòu)很好，尤其第一段開(kāi)門(mén)見(jiàn)山的明確了文章的主題，給讀者非常好的第一印象。不足的是第三段與上文的銜接很生硬，并且沒(méi)有段落主題句，會(huì)影響文章整體的邏輯感。另外，有個(gè)別句子出現(xiàn)表意不明的現(xiàn)象，單詞拼寫(xiě)也存在問(wèn)題，所以希望以后寫(xiě)作時(shí)注意細(xì)節(jié)。