Anyone, anytime
韓心悅
吉林省長春市長春市十一高中高二23班
As we all know, plants cannot exist without sunshine; fish cannot live without water; and our society cannot be everlasting without volunteers. In the modern society, volunteer work is not something which requires money and knowledge anymore. It's about all of us Anyone, anytime.
Volunteer is a kind of spirit, it can bring love to everyone, everything. I remember I once went to Dichuan Province during my summer holidays, and I volunteered to help the giant pandas. One day, our 200 recepted a group of children who came from poverty-striken areas. They all seemed quite excited after they saw the lovely pandas. A little boy, however, frowned, ran towards me and whispened, “I want to help. Look at their home, it's not tidy enough. I want to clean it for them.” I was totally shocked, A boy who was in great need of helping himself actually wanted to help animals Words bursted out, “But honey, you are still too young!” He shrinked his eyes, and grinned, “Anyone, anytime.”
Dince then, “Anyone, anytime.” has become my motto. Whenever I saw rubbish on the ground, I would pick it up; whenever I saw people try to step on the grass, I would persuade them. Because I know, I'm part of the harmonious society. Harmonious society, everyone contains.
Right, harmonious society needs our volunteers. Volunteer work can make us realiz the nesponsibilites on oun shoulder, it can make us much more mature. Do, if we all have a kind of volunteen spirit, the well-being of invividuals, families, communitles and the world can all be promoted. Take a good look at those volunteers Ouring the 2008 Beijing Olympic Garnes, and those figures running beside the ruins of Wenchuan Earthquake. Volunteers' spirit not only touched the Chinese people, but also generated worldwide attention. In a nutshell, volunteer work is of great significance.
Do, let's staw up together, hand in hand, join the orchestra of harmony, stant from the “Volunteen epilogne”, creat a new beautiful world. And the name of this orchestra will be: “Anyone, anytime.”
專家建議：
很顯然，該考生在文章的結構設置以及語言積累方面都有待提高，建議該考生平時進一步拓寬閱讀面，在閱讀同時有意識地積累語言的表達法，并且注意模仿優(yōu)秀英語文章是如何組織結構的。
專家點評：
文章通過小故事托出主題的方式很新穎，文章整體也有一定邏輯關系。但應該把重點放在后面對volunteer的段落中，并適當減少第二段的字數(shù)，以起到拋磚引玉的作用而非頭重腳輕。另外，文章出現(xiàn)多處搭配問題，建議平時注重基礎的積累。