語言修改以及內(nèi)容補(bǔ)充
下面是2篇issue writing習(xí)作的點(diǎn)評(píng)，這里不僅提供了關(guān)于原稿語言錯(cuò)誤的修改，還提供了關(guān)于題目?jī)?nèi)容的補(bǔ)充，幫助大家了解如何使文章的內(nèi)容更加充實(shí)。
第一篇
你會(huì)相信算命術(shù)或占星術(shù)嗎？也許你的回答是當(dāng)然不會(huì)，那都是騙人的?？墒侨绻杏^點(diǎn)認(rèn)為諸如占星術(shù)、算命術(shù)、靈異現(xiàn)象和超自然現(xiàn)象等非主流領(lǐng)域的探索在社會(huì)中起著非常重要的作用，因?yàn)樗鼈兡軌驖M足人類的需求，而這些需求是主流科學(xué)領(lǐng)域尚未涉及的。面對(duì)這樣的題目怎樣展開論述呢，或許下面的例文能夠提供一些啟迪。
Nomainstream areas and Human Needs Rules: Present your perspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples to support your views.
Topic: "Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
習(xí)作修改
原稿（第一段） 語言修改 It is true[1] that in contemporary society the nonmainstream areas of inquiry, such as astrology, fortune-telling and the like[2], satisfy human needs more[3] than the mainstream science. But what we should bear in mind is that, always[4] it is the mainstream science that point out the way to overcome various obstacles, and light up[5] people's hope in true meaning. In contemporary society nonmainstream areas of inquiry such as astrology and fortune-telling satisfy human needs more than mainstream science. But we should bear in mind that mainstream science always points the way to overcome obstacles and sparks people’s hope in finding truth.
內(nèi)容點(diǎn)評(píng)及修改
上面只是對(duì)習(xí)作的第一段的語言進(jìn)行了修改，使用不當(dāng)詞句可以參看腳注的指正，然而只是這樣的修改還不能使這一段成為一個(gè)好的開頭段。在繼續(xù)修改之前，有必要了解一下寫作GRE作文第一段有怎樣的要求，這里歸納為三點(diǎn)：
1. 要有明確的立場(chǎng)（put forth a clear perspective）
這篇習(xí)作有明確的立場(chǎng)，即否認(rèn)非科學(xué)的人類精神追求而贊成主流的、科學(xué)的探索。
2. 要表現(xiàn)出作者對(duì)于題目的復(fù)雜性或其隱含意義有所理解(demonstrate the understanding of the complexities or implications of the issue)
GRE的題目的論述有時(shí)并不是黑白分明的。很多的issues并不要求作者站在一個(gè)clear cut position上。作者可以傾向于某一種觀點(diǎn)，但是他應(yīng)該考慮到對(duì)立面的觀點(diǎn)也是有一定道理的。
3. 要讓讀者了解下文的主要觀點(diǎn)脈絡(luò)(prepare readers for the main ideas of the following paragraphs)
文章第一段有責(zé)任展現(xiàn)后面的段落大概會(huì)出現(xiàn)什么樣的內(nèi)容，也就是第一段應(yīng)該對(duì)下文的內(nèi)容有一個(gè)綜述。
如果按照這幾點(diǎn)要求來衡量上文的話，很遺憾上文只做到了三個(gè)要求中的第一點(diǎn)。了解了這幾點(diǎn)文章行文結(jié)構(gòu)方面的要求，我們?cè)俳Y(jié)合這個(gè)具體的題目談一談內(nèi)容。第一段在提出自己的觀點(diǎn)之前，可以先對(duì)對(duì)立面的觀點(diǎn)也是有一定道理的這一事實(shí)予以認(rèn)可。例如我們可以承認(rèn)這些非科學(xué)的精神追求在我們悲傷的時(shí)候給我們慰籍；在我們煩悶的時(shí)候給我們?cè)鎏砩钋槿?；在我們沮喪的時(shí)候給我們點(diǎn)燃希望。然而這樣的追求終究是建立在虛幻之上的。它們所帶來的益處也是*的，虛幻的。然后，再提出自己的觀點(diǎn)，如科學(xué)是我們最值得信賴的源泉，是我們用于了解自身和解決實(shí)際問題最值得信賴的手段。具體的敘述請(qǐng)參見下面范例。
修改范例
In deed, astrology, fortune-telling and psychic readings can sometimes provide comfort when we are feeling sad, enliven our lives when we are bored, and spark hope when we are depressed. But these pursuits are ultimately based on falsehood and their benefits are short-lived and illusionary. Science remains the most reliable source for self-understanding and solutions to practical problems.
這段的最后一句話就是對(duì)全文的綜述，讓讀者了解后面的內(nèi)容大致是什么樣子的。后面內(nèi)容中大量的證據(jù)是用來說明科學(xué)是用來了解自身以及解決實(shí)際問題的最可靠的手段。這樣的開頭段做到了語言簡(jiǎn)潔，內(nèi)容充實(shí)，結(jié)構(gòu)清晰。
原稿（第二段） 語言修改 Although called[6] nonmainstream areas, we should not ignore that to some extent, these areas such as astrology play an active role in society. We can see that in various festivals, no matter[7] Chinese (such as Spring Festival) or Western (such as Valentine's Day), people are willing to resort to astrology, mostly hoping to meet good luck[8]. This kind of activity always meets[9] their needs, because the equivalent nature of astrology destines[10] it will not dampen people's enthusiasm and hope. With these nonmainstream areas people's life becomes more colorful. Although they are called nonmainstream, we should admit that to some extent, beliefs such as astrology play an active role in society. We can see that in various holidays, whether Chinese or Western, people are willing to resort to nonmainstream ideas. These kinds of activities meet our needs because they encourage enthusiasm and hope and make people’s lives more colorful.
內(nèi)容點(diǎn)評(píng)及修改
這是習(xí)作的第二段，作者進(jìn)一步展開論述，提出盡管迷信是非主流的，但是我們不能忽略它，因?yàn)樗谶@個(gè)社會(huì)上的確是有些作用的，有些積極因素。同時(shí)還舉了些例子，如在中國和西方的節(jié)日中，人們都使用占星術(shù)，因?yàn)榇蠖鄶?shù)人都希望有好運(yùn)氣。這樣的活動(dòng)滿足了人們的需求，因?yàn)樗鼪]有削減人們的熱情和希望。正因?yàn)橛辛诉@些非主流的追求，人們的生活才變得更加豐富多彩。
這一段大致的內(nèi)容沒有問題。但是在細(xì)微的地方，在內(nèi)容和語言上都有值得改進(jìn)之處。語言問題請(qǐng)參見腳注。這里主要談一下內(nèi)容方面的問題。
本文中的例子不足以支持論點(diǎn)。情人節(jié)與占星術(shù)無關(guān)，人們也不會(huì)希望過情人節(jié)能帶來好運(yùn)。中國春節(jié)習(xí)俗在中國是非常主流的文化內(nèi)容，不能算是非主流的。同樣，國外源于宗教的節(jié)日都不能歸類于非主流。作者說的論點(diǎn)是非主流的信仰能夠豐富人們的生活，就一定要用具體的實(shí)例來說明這些信仰如何豐富了人們的生活。
其實(shí)，在這段中可以說明一下非科學(xué)的信仰滿足了人們什么方面的需求，在接下來的段落中對(duì)比說明科學(xué)又能給人們帶來什么不同的或更多的好處。
另外，同學(xué)們的習(xí)作中較少使用插入語和短語，其實(shí)英語文章中常用一個(gè)逗號(hào)相隔，然后把短語放進(jìn)去，這樣可以調(diào)節(jié)讀者在閱讀時(shí)的呼吸，增加寫作的節(jié)奏感。
對(duì)于考生來說找例證似乎很難，其實(shí)也不盡然。讓我們來看看下面的段落是怎么闡述的。
修改范例1
Although they are called nonmainstream, we should admit that to some extent, beliefs such as astrology play an active role in society. A glance at the astrology column in different newspapers and magazines reveals do’s and don’ts that contain more encouragement than warning. Frequently there are phrases like: “Aquarius should cease feeling depressed or exerting pressures on yourself”, or “Chances are good that Leo will get a promotion this week, so keep moving on and show your talent to your boss”, or “Things may go astray for Virgo this week, yet just wait to see the silver lining next week.” These nonmainstream contributions meet a need because they foster enthusiasm and hope and make our lives colorful.
和前面的范例相比，這段中的例子非常具體，它直接引用了報(bào)紙上星座命理欄目中的話。如寶瓶座不要感到沮喪，不要給自己太多的壓力。獅子座的人這個(gè)星期能得到提拔，所以要加油干，讓老板知道你的才干。處女座的人這個(gè)星期可能情況不太好，但是下個(gè)星期希望就出現(xiàn)了。由此可見，只要開動(dòng)的腦筋，發(fā)揮想象力，例子，例證是比較容易寫的，能夠充分證明這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)的例證還很多。
比如我們可以從這樣一個(gè)角度論述，很多人并不是靠迷信或求助于非科學(xué)的信仰來安排他們的生活的。很多人在科學(xué)無法解釋的情況下才有可能求助于這些非主流的東西。然后列舉下面的事實(shí)。例如，一個(gè)死去妻子的人可能在夢(mèng)見跟他的妻子說話。心理學(xué)可能解釋這是因?yàn)樗臐撘庾R(shí)的愿望。但是這位失去妻子的丈夫愿意相信他的妻子是在陰間跟他說話。一個(gè)孩子被綁架了的父親在警察不能幫他找到孩子的下落的情況下就會(huì)相信巫術(shù)可以發(fā)現(xiàn)告訴他孩子藏身于何處。好像人們是愿意相信科學(xué)的，但在科學(xué)無法解釋而人們又有極大的需求的情況下，他們就有可能走向非科學(xué)的解釋。有了這些貼切的例證，然后再用地道的英文闡述出來，我們的作文就成功了。請(qǐng)看修改范例2。
修改范例2
Most people do not order their lives according to the paranormal, many would be willing to consider them as explanations when science fails or a possibility in the background of what is real. A husband who has lost his wife might have very vivid dreams in which he talks to her. Psychology may say that this resulted from his own subconscious wishes, but the husband may find himself believing that his wife has spoken from the dead. A father whose child has been kidnapped might consult a psychic for visions of where the child has been taken if the police investigations have failed. It seems that people can trust in science, but are willing to consider other possibilities when scientific explanations fail them.
上面的這一段中的例子可以啟發(fā)我們想起更多的相關(guān)事實(shí)，其實(shí)這些都是我們?nèi)粘Ｉ钪兴?jīng)歷的。我相信下面這些例子，聽起來肯定也不陌生。當(dāng)那些悲傷的遺屬極度想要與他們?nèi)ナ赖挠H人見面的時(shí)候，他們可能就相信巫婆能夠幫助活人和死人進(jìn)行交流。比如白居易的《長(zhǎng)恨歌》中就寫道因唐明皇在楊貴妃死后過于思念她，于是就有人推薦“臨邛道士鴻都客，能以精誠致魂魄?！?，而唐明皇本人也相信并希望“天上人間會(huì)相見”。有些人對(duì)自己的職業(yè)或自己的前途感到擔(dān)憂、不確定的時(shí)候，他們就求計(jì)于看手相或是算命的。那些感到地球是宇宙中一個(gè)非常孤獨(dú)的所在的人就會(huì)相信在宇宙當(dāng)中一定還有別的造福人類的生命存在。的確，巫術(shù)、占星術(shù)、以及其他的非主流精神現(xiàn)象在許多文化當(dāng)中都存在。人們用這些辦法來解釋宇宙，來獲得力量，否則的話在這個(gè)世界當(dāng)中很多人就會(huì)覺得很無助。請(qǐng)看修改范例
修改范例3
Grieving family members seeking to contact their lost relatives find comfort in believing that mediums can contact the dead. Some people who are worried about their jobs or facing difficult decisions feel more assured about the future when they consult a palm-reader or fortune-teller. Those who lack power or feel that the earth is a lonely place in the vast universe may find a more acceptable perspective in believing that other benevolent beings exist. Witchcraft, astrology, and psychic phenomenon can be found in most cultures as man’s attempt to explain the universe, or to gain power over a world in which humans are otherwise helpless.
在真正的GRE考試中是不用把這上面舉例的三段都放上去，寫兩段，甚至一段就足夠了。因?yàn)樵谶@篇文章當(dāng)中作者更傾向于主流的科學(xué)，而否定這些非主流的精神追求。這里列出這么多就是為了提醒大家這些例證是萬萬缺不得的。而且，根據(jù)這些例子還要告訴大家，舉出恰當(dāng)貼切的例證并非如想象的那么難，只要多思考，平時(shí)多積累就可以在寫作考試時(shí)信手拈來。
[1] “It is…”的句型使用不當(dāng)，因?yàn)檫@里沒有強(qiáng)調(diào)的必要。這個(gè)句型經(jīng)常被濫用，使用時(shí)應(yīng)注意避免。
[2] and the like在正式的寫作中不應(yīng)當(dāng)出現(xiàn)這樣的語匯。
[3]第一句話中的more引出了很大的問題，它曲解了題目原意, 即nonmainstream的作用比mainstream enquiry的作用還要重要。而題目原意是 “play a vital role”, 并不是 a “pivotal,” or “central” role.
[4] always的語序位置不對(duì)，應(yīng)該是the mainstream science always…
[5] “燃起希望”可以寫成sparked a hope, kindled a hope?！發(fā)ight up”在這里用錯(cuò)了，這個(gè)詞組的意思是給人帶來興奮和快樂，如：The shining report cards lit up Father’s face. 優(yōu)異的成績(jī)單讓父親臉上流露出快樂。/The funny cartoon picture lit up the children's eyes. 這有趣的卡通畫報(bào)讓孩子們的眼中流露出快樂。
[6]第一句話語法錯(cuò)誤，主語應(yīng)該是”these areas”, 但是現(xiàn)在的主語成了“We”.
[7] “No matter”應(yīng)改為“whether”。
[8] “meet good luck”，“有好運(yùn)氣”不是標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的英語表達(dá)。
[9] “This kind”后面應(yīng)該是復(fù)數(shù)，后面的謂語不應(yīng)當(dāng)是meets。
[10] “destine”一詞表示“一定”，通常是用作形容詞：He was destined for an important career in the Church of England. 他注定在英國的教堂中擔(dān)任重要職務(wù)。/By family tradition he was destined for a career as a regular army officer.因?yàn)榧彝鹘y(tǒng)，他肯定要當(dāng)一個(gè)軍官。
第一篇
你會(huì)相信算命術(shù)或占星術(shù)嗎？也許你的回答是當(dāng)然不會(huì)，那都是騙人的?？墒侨绻杏^點(diǎn)認(rèn)為諸如占星術(shù)、算命術(shù)、靈異現(xiàn)象和超自然現(xiàn)象等非主流領(lǐng)域的探索在社會(huì)中起著非常重要的作用，因?yàn)樗鼈兡軌驖M足人類的需求，而這些需求是主流科學(xué)領(lǐng)域尚未涉及的。面對(duì)這樣的題目怎樣展開論述呢，或許下面的例文能夠提供一些啟迪。
Nomainstream areas and Human Needs Rules: Present your perspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples to support your views.
Topic: "Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
習(xí)作修改
原稿（第一段） 語言修改 It is true[1] that in contemporary society the nonmainstream areas of inquiry, such as astrology, fortune-telling and the like[2], satisfy human needs more[3] than the mainstream science. But what we should bear in mind is that, always[4] it is the mainstream science that point out the way to overcome various obstacles, and light up[5] people's hope in true meaning. In contemporary society nonmainstream areas of inquiry such as astrology and fortune-telling satisfy human needs more than mainstream science. But we should bear in mind that mainstream science always points the way to overcome obstacles and sparks people’s hope in finding truth.
內(nèi)容點(diǎn)評(píng)及修改
上面只是對(duì)習(xí)作的第一段的語言進(jìn)行了修改，使用不當(dāng)詞句可以參看腳注的指正，然而只是這樣的修改還不能使這一段成為一個(gè)好的開頭段。在繼續(xù)修改之前，有必要了解一下寫作GRE作文第一段有怎樣的要求，這里歸納為三點(diǎn)：
1. 要有明確的立場(chǎng)（put forth a clear perspective）
這篇習(xí)作有明確的立場(chǎng)，即否認(rèn)非科學(xué)的人類精神追求而贊成主流的、科學(xué)的探索。
2. 要表現(xiàn)出作者對(duì)于題目的復(fù)雜性或其隱含意義有所理解(demonstrate the understanding of the complexities or implications of the issue)
GRE的題目的論述有時(shí)并不是黑白分明的。很多的issues并不要求作者站在一個(gè)clear cut position上。作者可以傾向于某一種觀點(diǎn)，但是他應(yīng)該考慮到對(duì)立面的觀點(diǎn)也是有一定道理的。
3. 要讓讀者了解下文的主要觀點(diǎn)脈絡(luò)(prepare readers for the main ideas of the following paragraphs)
文章第一段有責(zé)任展現(xiàn)后面的段落大概會(huì)出現(xiàn)什么樣的內(nèi)容，也就是第一段應(yīng)該對(duì)下文的內(nèi)容有一個(gè)綜述。
如果按照這幾點(diǎn)要求來衡量上文的話，很遺憾上文只做到了三個(gè)要求中的第一點(diǎn)。了解了這幾點(diǎn)文章行文結(jié)構(gòu)方面的要求，我們?cè)俳Y(jié)合這個(gè)具體的題目談一談內(nèi)容。第一段在提出自己的觀點(diǎn)之前，可以先對(duì)對(duì)立面的觀點(diǎn)也是有一定道理的這一事實(shí)予以認(rèn)可。例如我們可以承認(rèn)這些非科學(xué)的精神追求在我們悲傷的時(shí)候給我們慰籍；在我們煩悶的時(shí)候給我們?cè)鎏砩钋槿?；在我們沮喪的時(shí)候給我們點(diǎn)燃希望。然而這樣的追求終究是建立在虛幻之上的。它們所帶來的益處也是*的，虛幻的。然后，再提出自己的觀點(diǎn)，如科學(xué)是我們最值得信賴的源泉，是我們用于了解自身和解決實(shí)際問題最值得信賴的手段。具體的敘述請(qǐng)參見下面范例。
修改范例
In deed, astrology, fortune-telling and psychic readings can sometimes provide comfort when we are feeling sad, enliven our lives when we are bored, and spark hope when we are depressed. But these pursuits are ultimately based on falsehood and their benefits are short-lived and illusionary. Science remains the most reliable source for self-understanding and solutions to practical problems.
這段的最后一句話就是對(duì)全文的綜述，讓讀者了解后面的內(nèi)容大致是什么樣子的。后面內(nèi)容中大量的證據(jù)是用來說明科學(xué)是用來了解自身以及解決實(shí)際問題的最可靠的手段。這樣的開頭段做到了語言簡(jiǎn)潔，內(nèi)容充實(shí)，結(jié)構(gòu)清晰。
原稿（第二段） 語言修改 Although called[6] nonmainstream areas, we should not ignore that to some extent, these areas such as astrology play an active role in society. We can see that in various festivals, no matter[7] Chinese (such as Spring Festival) or Western (such as Valentine's Day), people are willing to resort to astrology, mostly hoping to meet good luck[8]. This kind of activity always meets[9] their needs, because the equivalent nature of astrology destines[10] it will not dampen people's enthusiasm and hope. With these nonmainstream areas people's life becomes more colorful. Although they are called nonmainstream, we should admit that to some extent, beliefs such as astrology play an active role in society. We can see that in various holidays, whether Chinese or Western, people are willing to resort to nonmainstream ideas. These kinds of activities meet our needs because they encourage enthusiasm and hope and make people’s lives more colorful.
內(nèi)容點(diǎn)評(píng)及修改
這是習(xí)作的第二段，作者進(jìn)一步展開論述，提出盡管迷信是非主流的，但是我們不能忽略它，因?yàn)樗谶@個(gè)社會(huì)上的確是有些作用的，有些積極因素。同時(shí)還舉了些例子，如在中國和西方的節(jié)日中，人們都使用占星術(shù)，因?yàn)榇蠖鄶?shù)人都希望有好運(yùn)氣。這樣的活動(dòng)滿足了人們的需求，因?yàn)樗鼪]有削減人們的熱情和希望。正因?yàn)橛辛诉@些非主流的追求，人們的生活才變得更加豐富多彩。
這一段大致的內(nèi)容沒有問題。但是在細(xì)微的地方，在內(nèi)容和語言上都有值得改進(jìn)之處。語言問題請(qǐng)參見腳注。這里主要談一下內(nèi)容方面的問題。
本文中的例子不足以支持論點(diǎn)。情人節(jié)與占星術(shù)無關(guān)，人們也不會(huì)希望過情人節(jié)能帶來好運(yùn)。中國春節(jié)習(xí)俗在中國是非常主流的文化內(nèi)容，不能算是非主流的。同樣，國外源于宗教的節(jié)日都不能歸類于非主流。作者說的論點(diǎn)是非主流的信仰能夠豐富人們的生活，就一定要用具體的實(shí)例來說明這些信仰如何豐富了人們的生活。
其實(shí)，在這段中可以說明一下非科學(xué)的信仰滿足了人們什么方面的需求，在接下來的段落中對(duì)比說明科學(xué)又能給人們帶來什么不同的或更多的好處。
另外，同學(xué)們的習(xí)作中較少使用插入語和短語，其實(shí)英語文章中常用一個(gè)逗號(hào)相隔，然后把短語放進(jìn)去，這樣可以調(diào)節(jié)讀者在閱讀時(shí)的呼吸，增加寫作的節(jié)奏感。
對(duì)于考生來說找例證似乎很難，其實(shí)也不盡然。讓我們來看看下面的段落是怎么闡述的。
修改范例1
Although they are called nonmainstream, we should admit that to some extent, beliefs such as astrology play an active role in society. A glance at the astrology column in different newspapers and magazines reveals do’s and don’ts that contain more encouragement than warning. Frequently there are phrases like: “Aquarius should cease feeling depressed or exerting pressures on yourself”, or “Chances are good that Leo will get a promotion this week, so keep moving on and show your talent to your boss”, or “Things may go astray for Virgo this week, yet just wait to see the silver lining next week.” These nonmainstream contributions meet a need because they foster enthusiasm and hope and make our lives colorful.
和前面的范例相比，這段中的例子非常具體，它直接引用了報(bào)紙上星座命理欄目中的話。如寶瓶座不要感到沮喪，不要給自己太多的壓力。獅子座的人這個(gè)星期能得到提拔，所以要加油干，讓老板知道你的才干。處女座的人這個(gè)星期可能情況不太好，但是下個(gè)星期希望就出現(xiàn)了。由此可見，只要開動(dòng)的腦筋，發(fā)揮想象力，例子，例證是比較容易寫的，能夠充分證明這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)的例證還很多。
比如我們可以從這樣一個(gè)角度論述，很多人并不是靠迷信或求助于非科學(xué)的信仰來安排他們的生活的。很多人在科學(xué)無法解釋的情況下才有可能求助于這些非主流的東西。然后列舉下面的事實(shí)。例如，一個(gè)死去妻子的人可能在夢(mèng)見跟他的妻子說話。心理學(xué)可能解釋這是因?yàn)樗臐撘庾R(shí)的愿望。但是這位失去妻子的丈夫愿意相信他的妻子是在陰間跟他說話。一個(gè)孩子被綁架了的父親在警察不能幫他找到孩子的下落的情況下就會(huì)相信巫術(shù)可以發(fā)現(xiàn)告訴他孩子藏身于何處。好像人們是愿意相信科學(xué)的，但在科學(xué)無法解釋而人們又有極大的需求的情況下，他們就有可能走向非科學(xué)的解釋。有了這些貼切的例證，然后再用地道的英文闡述出來，我們的作文就成功了。請(qǐng)看修改范例2。
修改范例2
Most people do not order their lives according to the paranormal, many would be willing to consider them as explanations when science fails or a possibility in the background of what is real. A husband who has lost his wife might have very vivid dreams in which he talks to her. Psychology may say that this resulted from his own subconscious wishes, but the husband may find himself believing that his wife has spoken from the dead. A father whose child has been kidnapped might consult a psychic for visions of where the child has been taken if the police investigations have failed. It seems that people can trust in science, but are willing to consider other possibilities when scientific explanations fail them.
上面的這一段中的例子可以啟發(fā)我們想起更多的相關(guān)事實(shí)，其實(shí)這些都是我們?nèi)粘Ｉ钪兴?jīng)歷的。我相信下面這些例子，聽起來肯定也不陌生。當(dāng)那些悲傷的遺屬極度想要與他們?nèi)ナ赖挠H人見面的時(shí)候，他們可能就相信巫婆能夠幫助活人和死人進(jìn)行交流。比如白居易的《長(zhǎng)恨歌》中就寫道因唐明皇在楊貴妃死后過于思念她，于是就有人推薦“臨邛道士鴻都客，能以精誠致魂魄?！?，而唐明皇本人也相信并希望“天上人間會(huì)相見”。有些人對(duì)自己的職業(yè)或自己的前途感到擔(dān)憂、不確定的時(shí)候，他們就求計(jì)于看手相或是算命的。那些感到地球是宇宙中一個(gè)非常孤獨(dú)的所在的人就會(huì)相信在宇宙當(dāng)中一定還有別的造福人類的生命存在。的確，巫術(shù)、占星術(shù)、以及其他的非主流精神現(xiàn)象在許多文化當(dāng)中都存在。人們用這些辦法來解釋宇宙，來獲得力量，否則的話在這個(gè)世界當(dāng)中很多人就會(huì)覺得很無助。請(qǐng)看修改范例
修改范例3
Grieving family members seeking to contact their lost relatives find comfort in believing that mediums can contact the dead. Some people who are worried about their jobs or facing difficult decisions feel more assured about the future when they consult a palm-reader or fortune-teller. Those who lack power or feel that the earth is a lonely place in the vast universe may find a more acceptable perspective in believing that other benevolent beings exist. Witchcraft, astrology, and psychic phenomenon can be found in most cultures as man’s attempt to explain the universe, or to gain power over a world in which humans are otherwise helpless.
在真正的GRE考試中是不用把這上面舉例的三段都放上去，寫兩段，甚至一段就足夠了。因?yàn)樵谶@篇文章當(dāng)中作者更傾向于主流的科學(xué)，而否定這些非主流的精神追求。這里列出這么多就是為了提醒大家這些例證是萬萬缺不得的。而且，根據(jù)這些例子還要告訴大家，舉出恰當(dāng)貼切的例證并非如想象的那么難，只要多思考，平時(shí)多積累就可以在寫作考試時(shí)信手拈來。
[1] “It is…”的句型使用不當(dāng)，因?yàn)檫@里沒有強(qiáng)調(diào)的必要。這個(gè)句型經(jīng)常被濫用，使用時(shí)應(yīng)注意避免。
[2] and the like在正式的寫作中不應(yīng)當(dāng)出現(xiàn)這樣的語匯。
[3]第一句話中的more引出了很大的問題，它曲解了題目原意, 即nonmainstream的作用比mainstream enquiry的作用還要重要。而題目原意是 “play a vital role”, 并不是 a “pivotal,” or “central” role.
[4] always的語序位置不對(duì)，應(yīng)該是the mainstream science always…
[5] “燃起希望”可以寫成sparked a hope, kindled a hope?！發(fā)ight up”在這里用錯(cuò)了，這個(gè)詞組的意思是給人帶來興奮和快樂，如：The shining report cards lit up Father’s face. 優(yōu)異的成績(jī)單讓父親臉上流露出快樂。/The funny cartoon picture lit up the children's eyes. 這有趣的卡通畫報(bào)讓孩子們的眼中流露出快樂。
[6]第一句話語法錯(cuò)誤，主語應(yīng)該是”these areas”, 但是現(xiàn)在的主語成了“We”.
[7] “No matter”應(yīng)改為“whether”。
[8] “meet good luck”，“有好運(yùn)氣”不是標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的英語表達(dá)。
[9] “This kind”后面應(yīng)該是復(fù)數(shù)，后面的謂語不應(yīng)當(dāng)是meets。
[10] “destine”一詞表示“一定”，通常是用作形容詞：He was destined for an important career in the Church of England. 他注定在英國的教堂中擔(dān)任重要職務(wù)。/By family tradition he was destined for a career as a regular army officer.因?yàn)榧彝鹘y(tǒng)，他肯定要當(dāng)一個(gè)軍官。