《高中英語(yǔ)語(yǔ)法-習(xí)作評(píng)析（4）》由英語(yǔ)編輯整理,更多請(qǐng)?jiān)L問(wèn):https://www.liuxue86.com/english/。本內(nèi)容整理時(shí)間為05月12日，如有任何問(wèn)題請(qǐng)聯(lián)系我們。
習(xí)作評(píng)析（4）
習(xí)作題目
圖為上海102中學(xué)平面圖（diagram），請(qǐng)將此圖用英語(yǔ)作具體說(shuō)明，以便于參觀者了解該校的校園風(fēng)貌。詞數(shù)：120左右。
說(shuō)明：A. 學(xué)校大門(mén)B. 圖書(shū)館C. 花池D. 實(shí)驗(yàn)樓E. 教學(xué)樓（四層，兩頭為教師辦公室）F. 食堂G. 操場(chǎng)（校園四周均為樹(shù)木）
學(xué)生原文
Our School
Ladies and Gentlemen，
This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School. It is 720 meters long and 480 meters wide. It is a pretty large middle school.
Its gate faces south. When you enter into（1） gate， a beautiful flower garden comes into your view. Here are various plants and flowers and also a pool of（2） green water and fish swimming free（3） . On the left of the garden is the school library building and on the right， the lab building. Go further ∧（4） you will see a four-storeyed teaching building standing in the middle of the school. It is teaching office （5） at both ends. Behind the teaching building is a large playground and besides （6） the playground is the dining hall. Trees are planted all around the school. How beautiful the school looks！ Welcome to visit our school.
修改說(shuō)明
（1）enter為及物動(dòng)詞，應(yīng)直接跟賓語(yǔ)，去掉into.
（2）green water屬定語(yǔ)部分，所以of應(yīng)改為with.
（3）swim為行為動(dòng)詞，應(yīng)用副詞修飾，free應(yīng)改為freely.
（4）祈使句表?xiàng)l件時(shí)，應(yīng)用and或then引導(dǎo)連接結(jié)果分句。
（5）根據(jù)語(yǔ)境，office應(yīng)改為復(fù)數(shù)形式offices.
（6）表“在……旁邊”應(yīng)用beside而不用besides.
修改后的文章
Our School
Ladies and Gentlemen，
This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School. It is 720 meters long and 480 meters wide. It is pretty large middle school.
Its gate faces south. When you enter the gate， a beautiful flower garden comes into your view. Here are various plants and flowers and also a pool with green water and fish swimming freely. On the left of the garden is the school library building and on the right， the lab building. Go further and you will see a four-storeyed teaching building standing in the middle of the school. It was teaching offices at both ends. Behind the teaching building is a large playground and beside the playground is the dining hall. Trees are building is a large playground and beside the playground is the dining hall. Trees are planted all around the school. How beautiful the school looks！ Welcome to visit our school.
習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)
本篇書(shū)面表達(dá)習(xí)作是一篇說(shuō)明文，體現(xiàn)了高考英語(yǔ)書(shū)面表達(dá)寫(xiě)作的新要求。開(kāi)篇交待句“This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School.”和末尾總結(jié)句“How beautiful the school looks！ Welcome to visit our school.”的使用增強(qiáng)了文章的照應(yīng)性。and， when， here， on the left of， on the right，behind等過(guò)渡性詞匯的使用增強(qiáng)了文章的連貫性、邏輯性和可讀性。時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句、with復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)、現(xiàn)在分詞作后置定語(yǔ)、倒裝句型、感嘆句等高級(jí)表達(dá)方式的運(yùn)用表明該生有較為豐富的語(yǔ)法知識(shí)。come into one’s view， a four-storeyed building， in the middle of， all around， welcome to 等短語(yǔ)的準(zhǔn)確貼切使用表明了該生有較為豐富的語(yǔ)言知識(shí)。所有這些成為本文一道道亮麗的風(fēng)景線(xiàn)。但本文也存在一些不足之處，出現(xiàn)了一些語(yǔ)言語(yǔ)法方面的錯(cuò)誤，如介詞錯(cuò)誤、形容詞副詞誤用錯(cuò)誤、漏用連詞錯(cuò)誤、名詞單復(fù)數(shù)錯(cuò)誤等，表明該生語(yǔ)言表達(dá)能力還不夠成熟，有待于在今后的寫(xiě)作實(shí)踐中進(jìn)一步提高。然而瑕不掩瑜，從總體上講本文不失為一篇優(yōu)秀的書(shū)面表達(dá)習(xí)作，值得廣大讀者借鑒和模仿。
《高中英語(yǔ)語(yǔ)法-習(xí)作評(píng)析（4）》由英語(yǔ)編輯整理,更多請(qǐng)?jiān)L問(wèn):https://www.liuxue86.com/english/
習(xí)作評(píng)析（4）
習(xí)作題目
圖為上海102中學(xué)平面圖（diagram），請(qǐng)將此圖用英語(yǔ)作具體說(shuō)明，以便于參觀者了解該校的校園風(fēng)貌。詞數(shù)：120左右。
說(shuō)明：A. 學(xué)校大門(mén)B. 圖書(shū)館C. 花池D. 實(shí)驗(yàn)樓E. 教學(xué)樓（四層，兩頭為教師辦公室）F. 食堂G. 操場(chǎng)（校園四周均為樹(shù)木）
學(xué)生原文
Our School
Ladies and Gentlemen，
This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School. It is 720 meters long and 480 meters wide. It is a pretty large middle school.
Its gate faces south. When you enter into（1） gate， a beautiful flower garden comes into your view. Here are various plants and flowers and also a pool of（2） green water and fish swimming free（3） . On the left of the garden is the school library building and on the right， the lab building. Go further ∧（4） you will see a four-storeyed teaching building standing in the middle of the school. It is teaching office （5） at both ends. Behind the teaching building is a large playground and besides （6） the playground is the dining hall. Trees are planted all around the school. How beautiful the school looks！ Welcome to visit our school.
修改說(shuō)明
（1）enter為及物動(dòng)詞，應(yīng)直接跟賓語(yǔ)，去掉into.
（2）green water屬定語(yǔ)部分，所以of應(yīng)改為with.
（3）swim為行為動(dòng)詞，應(yīng)用副詞修飾，free應(yīng)改為freely.
（4）祈使句表?xiàng)l件時(shí)，應(yīng)用and或then引導(dǎo)連接結(jié)果分句。
（5）根據(jù)語(yǔ)境，office應(yīng)改為復(fù)數(shù)形式offices.
（6）表“在……旁邊”應(yīng)用beside而不用besides.
修改后的文章
Our School
Ladies and Gentlemen，
This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School. It is 720 meters long and 480 meters wide. It is pretty large middle school.
Its gate faces south. When you enter the gate， a beautiful flower garden comes into your view. Here are various plants and flowers and also a pool with green water and fish swimming freely. On the left of the garden is the school library building and on the right， the lab building. Go further and you will see a four-storeyed teaching building standing in the middle of the school. It was teaching offices at both ends. Behind the teaching building is a large playground and beside the playground is the dining hall. Trees are building is a large playground and beside the playground is the dining hall. Trees are planted all around the school. How beautiful the school looks！ Welcome to visit our school.
習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)
本篇書(shū)面表達(dá)習(xí)作是一篇說(shuō)明文，體現(xiàn)了高考英語(yǔ)書(shū)面表達(dá)寫(xiě)作的新要求。開(kāi)篇交待句“This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School.”和末尾總結(jié)句“How beautiful the school looks！ Welcome to visit our school.”的使用增強(qiáng)了文章的照應(yīng)性。and， when， here， on the left of， on the right，behind等過(guò)渡性詞匯的使用增強(qiáng)了文章的連貫性、邏輯性和可讀性。時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句、with復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)、現(xiàn)在分詞作后置定語(yǔ)、倒裝句型、感嘆句等高級(jí)表達(dá)方式的運(yùn)用表明該生有較為豐富的語(yǔ)法知識(shí)。come into one’s view， a four-storeyed building， in the middle of， all around， welcome to 等短語(yǔ)的準(zhǔn)確貼切使用表明了該生有較為豐富的語(yǔ)言知識(shí)。所有這些成為本文一道道亮麗的風(fēng)景線(xiàn)。但本文也存在一些不足之處，出現(xiàn)了一些語(yǔ)言語(yǔ)法方面的錯(cuò)誤，如介詞錯(cuò)誤、形容詞副詞誤用錯(cuò)誤、漏用連詞錯(cuò)誤、名詞單復(fù)數(shù)錯(cuò)誤等，表明該生語(yǔ)言表達(dá)能力還不夠成熟，有待于在今后的寫(xiě)作實(shí)踐中進(jìn)一步提高。然而瑕不掩瑜，從總體上講本文不失為一篇優(yōu)秀的書(shū)面表達(dá)習(xí)作，值得廣大讀者借鑒和模仿。
《高中英語(yǔ)語(yǔ)法-習(xí)作評(píng)析（4）》由英語(yǔ)編輯整理,更多請(qǐng)?jiān)L問(wèn):https://www.liuxue86.com/english/